Am I Supposed To Feel Something?

Christmas to me didn't feel like Christmas to me at all. It felt like a normal Sunday. Presents don't mean anything to me now. Am I growing too old? New Years is suposed to be a good thing and everyone is excited, whereas I don't feel anything. Things feel normal, I'm convincing myself to successfully fake a smile tonight and tmrw too. What is wrong? What the hell am I lacking? Why am I like this? I don't know. What the hell? This is all so stupid! I wish to be a kid again. Things used to be so simple, so fun, so innocent. Now? Things are complicated, depressing, with a lack of compasion. I remember the smiles the laughs I used to express. The numerous times I've played full-heartedly but now, idly. Do you think it's age? Or am I just fucked up? Drama? School? Feelings? Man, life...so many obstacles. I had hopes for the new year, hoping things would be better than the last, but what is hope but a sentiment brought up to just be torn down? Constantly, repeatedly, consistantly I've had hopes torn and ripped down. Things don't seem to be looking up, so I highly doubt the new year will be any different. Yet, i still hold hope within me. How stupid of me to keep holding on to hope knowing I'd get hurt again anyways. Why? Because, It's the last thing, the only thing I can result to when everything else is lost. I guess, it's life right? I have to deal with it. It feels like another day. The magical feelings i used to feel when holidays come, I miss that. I honestly miss that. Who knew a girl would cry on new years eve huh? I don't ever want to lose that feeling...I guess it's too late now...i don't feel good. sad. This is not a good mood to be in during the holidays. Some might think I'm weird and some might agree. I wanna know what's going on, what's happening to me. Maybe?...maybe not? What's gonna happen? I still hope...

Don't Want It To End

Uhmm today? Went to a party hosted by juniors. Marissa and I were the only sophmores. It was kinda awkward at the beginning but then after like 10 minutes, everything was pretty cool i guess. The party was kinda fun I guess? Idk haha. Uhmmm nothing else really. Chilled at Marissa's house and she made me dinner and uhhh nothing really. Got my lakers T-shirt from Bryan and got Max's snoopy from the secret santra trade thingy and also my shirt from Marissa. break seems to be flying by so fast, it's only the first day too. Christmas this year is kinda wierd. I don't know. It's just not the same as it has been the last few years. I guess cuz It's the new hosue and all in a whole new place that im unfamiliar with. But w/e, just gotta adapt to it I guess. i want break to just be a time period of enjoyment and relaxation, however, teachers still assign hw for kids to do over break. THAT AINT NO LONGER BREAK BREH! sheeshmess. uhmmm i send about 500 texts a day. lol so random haha. I think i should sleep but i really dont want to. I'm hellla hella hella sleepy but I really relaly dont wanna sleep haha. oh and im sick too. bad huh? damn! sick during break! thats worst than anything! and christmas is arond the corner too!! i love getting presents. For those that wish to have presents but do not recieve one, i will do to the best of my abilities to get them a little gift of somesort. :] like someone that i know of haha. uhmm what else is there to blog about? uhmmm...

What I Gotta Deal With Every Damn Day

Hey guys. I haven't blogged in a while. There's really nothing much in life thats happening. I think I'm gonna title my blogs from now on ahha Idk why, just wanna. My cousin is a bitch, I hate her. With all my damn guts! I'm trying my best to ignore her buts its kinda hard since we live in the same house. Uhmmm forgive, forget, move on right? I can forget, I can move on, but I will never forgive her. I'll still hate her. Every fucking thing that she does, UGH! They get on my nerves soooo bad! wel enough of her, you guys get the idea. Uhhmmm after today, omgggg sooo muchh sweeettss!! I had a total of 3 parties today! And all of them composed of soda, brownies, and cookies! jeez! I ate soo much sugar its freakin sickening to my damn stomach and to my head, got a headache. Wierd huh? haha Idk. Then there was frisbee. Too tired to play at first, but then ended up playing anyways and I scored more goals then ever before! It was amazing! haha. I dropped my candy cane while playing tho, so sad, but it's all good. haha I still had fun, ish lol. Well It's break!! But I have hella hw, so what's the damn point? lol GAY! anywhoooooo nights!

I'm very very veryyy tired. I reallly wanna sleep but then again I don't want to. Wierd, yes I know. Uhmmm...so wassup with me? Haha lots of stuff. Half the things right now are pretty chill the other half is a fucking bitch. Uhmmm..I don't know what else to say. Not in the mood to elaborate things today haha, too lazy. I have been yawning consecutively for the last 3 minutes, I think I should sleeep. I want break to come!! really realllly reallllly bad. I want christmas! I get presents! yay!!! haha. Today rained, usually when rain comes I'm hella juiced cuz i get to play in the rain, but today was just too damn cold not in the mood. Lol wierd! I'm no in the mood for anything maybe cuz it was last night, and my lack of beauty sleep makes me dead, completely dead. Hmmmm...should i do hw? or should i sleep? I dont know....uhmmm....

I haven't blogged in a while. Hmmm...so, so far? uhmmm nothing much I guess. Pretty chill week for me cuz I did all AP Euro hw in advance so I didn't have much to do haha I like. Today I missed out on frisbee to go cheer up a friend. It was ok i guess, I couldn't really do much, didn't know how. Well at least I was there right? I think that's all that really matters. uhmm..don't really know much more. I hate it when people go omgg I have a secret! but I can't tell you. I mean really now?!?! I can't live with that man! I gots ta know! It's torture to tell me you have a secret and not tell me what that secret is in the end! GRRRRRR....oh and I don't understand math. It's soo stupid I don't get anything!!! uhmm..anything else about my life? uhhh lol no? haha I guess that's it for today then.

Today was an ok day I guess. Uhmm..hung out with marissa and her bf and his freinds from oakland..theyre an odd group of ppl but the boys aiteee. Hmmm...then went home and cleaned up my room. i think i sould sleep. I dont wanna tho. lifes boring. i need some damn exitement!!! i want a lot of things in life, we all do. but its never gonna happen. omg omg om go mgomg omg ogm!!! if only i could jsut let out what i wanna let out!!!!!!!!!!!! but i fukcing cantttt!!!

Today was ok. I got a whole bunch of C's on my spanish assignments which I think will cost me my A. Damn...I'm slacking!!! Got a C on my chem test and a fucking D on my Ap Euro test. sighhh....tihs is scary. I don't want B's I can't afford to have B's. uhmmm...found out I have a 82 resting heart rate today per minute. I swear Imma die soon. Went to frisbee with friends today after school it was fun i guess. really tired. uhmmm...what else. I really don't know. I'm really dissapointed in myself. no matter what i do, ill always stil remain here, as the person i am...the one who is always there, not very bright either or athletic. I don't know I don't know I don't know, I don't know anything anymore. what the hell is taking a hold of me? I'm not who i used to be, im slacking in school. welll...ehhh. i just wish sometimes my dreams would turn out to be realities.

I don't have that much hw today, so I've decided to blog. Today? hmm..it was somewhat of a horrible day i guess, not really..or at least I don't think I took the horribleness too deep into heart to be convinced that it was a horrible day. uhhmm...woke up and looked in the mirror and found it disguisting. Pimples are not an asthetic aspect a girl would want on her face. My hair was a total mess. Went into chem failing that chem test. Went into math failing that math test. Pretty horrible? ehh....possibly but i try not to beat myself down too hard for that. The worst part is? Seeing the person you were once freinds with stand there in front of you and not say a word. As much as I tell myself to forget about it, don't think about it...to this day I'm still trippin. There's so much that I would like to say to that person but I can't, for if i do ill worsen the very flimsy connection we have now with each other. It's better if I keep my distance, then force that person to talk to me. I'm no pusher. I can see, I can think, and I know my pressence isn't in the best of favors. Ppl change too much. It hurts to see that I don't know them anymore - literally everyone around me. It feels as if I'm pinned down upon this place while everyone around me seems to be moving freverently with time. Things are always different when you're looking from the outside.

It's been a while hasn't it? i haven't been blogging very often lately. school interferes with the extra time I used to have. i kinda miss it, i guess i thats why im here right now. I've always wanted a diary to write all my feelings in and the events that happen during the course of my life, but i always get tooo lazy to write it all out. i find typing a lot easier. so, this is like my diary of my life...cept..exposed out to the world that doesnt even know i exist.
What i hate most in life is to lose a friend. I've tried, tried my best to keep that person close to me, but all that effort seems to have been a waste. in any problem, the only solution is cooperating. it's pointless to have only one do everything and not the other. it kills me to see that after every time that i try, the responses i get are only mediocre, sometimes not a response at all. who knew one person could do so much harm, that i find myself crying as my fingers type these letters to form words from within my heart. there are certain things in life that were once the past and will forever be the past. i'm guesing this is one of those exceptions. i dont want to try anymore, every aspect of me is exhausted of the multiple attempts at maintaining a good freindship, when in return i get neglected. that person will never know of my efforts, if it's even considered as efforts to him. that person will never know that the things he's decided to let go, mirrors the let go of my tears. I've gotten used to that. the things that i do and say or think of are usually never recognized, so it's not a big thing whether or not that person knows, for if he does, the reponses i get in return will only be a simple "I don't know." I'd rather not have that person know and learn to get through life without the "what used to be's" than to have that person further damage whats already corrupt. I recently had 2 freinds of mine that were upset with each other because of the same reason as mine, but they ended up making up and being close once again. i envy that, and i admire that, i'm happy for them. one should never be discouraged or angered about things others have that one does not possess, but rather one should feel happy for those that can obtain the best. there is no point in fussing and fighting for what is lacked, for it will do no better than to cause more discomfort. one day the best will come for the deprived too. pacience is the key. so, commitment to self. after today, no more tears relating to this subject. That person may no longer look to me as a close freind, but i always will. I may let go physically but i can never do so emotionally. Once a freind, always a friend. I'll forgive, forget, and I'll move on.
I miss you.

holy crap i havent blogged in forever! i have hella shit to do so yeah...lifes alright i guess. a little bit of a bitch not much i guess. ummm.. hmm..im gonna tryout for the bball team, haha random huh? ahha i dont even know what the hell im doing. i suck at the sport and do shit in bball cant dribble and shoot and do smack and yet im trying out...what the hell is wrong with me? haha i dont know. duans making me go though. grrrr...ummm 3 day weekend this weekend! yay. tmrw gonna go workout at the HBC then homecomming game. then halloween on sat! haha yeaaaa. ummm hella hw! shit...i dont wanna do anything. ap euro is such a dread even though its hella fun. hmm what else im helllllla sleepy. i should sleep and do hw early tmrw mourning ahaah so i can chill the rest of the days. :]

today was alright. i was pretty juiced when i woke up cuz it was a firday! finallyy!!! then i was pretty awake and juiced and what not when i went to school then until..uhhh...chem it was cool and fun in the beginning then it got borring when he lectured and went through notes i kinda fell asleep. haha so bad then math. fucking bitch of a teacher. i hate her. then came ap euro..omg i got an 8/11 on my religious wars quiz today thats SOOO bad!! i made the stupidest mistakes EVER!! in the question it said what political reasons where the hapsburg-valois dispute about? i went and put religous i feel hella stupid. then spanish came that was fun we made decorations for day of the dead and just basically messed around. haha it was fun then tennis was alright didnt really play that much..actually kinda lazy so yeah. then hmm...i went home. just finished dinner and now im blogging. ahha omg! i have sooo much shit to do over the weekend! i got PSAT tmrw and then i got hw and then i have helllla hw to do. like hellllla then i gotta fit in time to get my racket restrung and then on sunday i gotta wake up at like 7 to be at temple promtly at 8:30 - 5. its sooo crazyy! like really though! i dont even know if i have time to finish all of my hw. ishould really start now huh? lol yeah i think i should start now too. haha alright night ma peeps. :]

Woke up today at 8:45 to go to tennis practice. kirk talked to me about things so did ivy. everything is to be blamed on me, therefore, having to me the bigger person, i had to apologize. ivy didnt even apologizeand kirk didnt either. that just shows how corrupt our society is. those whom make mistakes dont tend to be apolgetic yet, those whom are the victim, have to do the deed of saying sorry. i know life is unfair, but only to a certain extent, here EVERYTHING is unfair. im not about to complain any further its not gonna do anything for me. ive mastered at enduring things. if i can do it then, i can do it now. i made a quote! "Being a subject to life, one must learn to conquer and master its' games, only then will one be called a true virtuoso." - Laura Nguyen haha.

hmmm...another week gone. this week dragged on for hella long. seconds to minutes to hours to days...sooo longgg..but its over now. everything...i guess you can say...is over. so a short overview of what happened. coach wont let me leave early. said i had a suger daddy. uhh got pissed cried for hella long then complained to the principal and thomas they didnt do shit cept copied down my facebook profile and told me to basiclaly stay and suck it up or quit today during 4th period. i love tennis too much to quit so i made a commmitment to him and said id stay and try to stay happy. il do what ive always been doing, stay, suck it up, and not say a word about it. this hurts and it hurts alot everytime i talk about it i begin to tear which is what is happening right now i get that churning knot that hurts like a bitch in my tummy but, you do what you gotta do for the best right? i guess both sides would be happy if i would stop causing so much trouble. ill take the blame for him. ill take the blame for everyone. just to put an end to it. live a life of peace. ill endure it. i can do it. im a strong girl. tears wont hurt me..only for a little but i can endure it. i guess, lifes life. i get what i deserve so..i just gotta deal with it no matter how hard it is i can get through. i just wanna know why? i havent hurt anyone, ive always done my best to help others, always be there for my freinds, working hard in school, loving my parents, endure my cousin's bichyness with kindness, so why? im nice, how come i dont deserve the better things in life? i dont know the answer to that either. all i know is life isnt life without its difficult obsticles. i gotta surpass them no matter what, so here i am....tugging, shoving, and pushing meyself through this. things might not always pay off, might not go the way i want them to go, but im gonna do my best and hope for the best, other than that, i can do nothing else. if things go right then yay...if not..i guess it is what it is. i didnt think thered be anymore tears after let fallen so much...but theres always more that come pouring down my cheeks. wipe them away, and never let one fall again.

TODAY WAS GAYYYY!!! I DIDNT GET TO GO TO FREAKING FRISBEE!!! stupid ass tennis match today. god! i swear i would have skipped it if it wasnt for what my stupid coach said to me yesterday. god i miss frisbee!! Mr. Joo came today too!! and i didnt get to go! sheeshh! :( im sad. other than that today was...pretty alright...i guess. i didnt have to do PE cuz purse pulled me out to go and grade papers for Rodd. so haha YEAH! that was cool. then didnt do much in any other classes just chilled i guess....idk I have a TON of hw though...and i dont get to sleep in this weekend!!! gotta wake up at 8 on sat. for tennis then at 8 on sun. for tennis...grrrr....i get no beuty sleep. :( i played doubles and won 6-0 today at lafyette then lost 6-1 to their #1 doubles..holy shit! the older of the 2 girls is a fucking beast!!! haha but its ok ill get better. :) my goal. and i want abs ahhah working on it! ahha i can see the two lines on the sides but i ask ppl and theyre like i dont see anything. but its hard..im getting there! ahhaha. alright imma go and chill haha laters guys. i guess today was a better day from the rest of the days of the week ahaha. :]

TENNIS IS BULLSHITT BULLSHITT BULLLSHIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE Y FUCKING COACHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss practice for ONE day, ONE FUCKING DAY!! and i come back today and he goes where were you yesterday? and im like i had a lot of hw i couldnt come and he ROLLS HIS EYES AT ME AND WENT PPPSSHHH!! THAT FOOL HAS THE NERVEE!!!! OHHH!!! and he goes you miss one more practice and youre off the team. im mean really?? SCHOOOL FIRST MAN!!! WTF??!? theres soo much shit that hes done to me as well as to the team i couldnt possibly explain it all on here itd take me 3 days...no, more..you see where im getting at? ITS NEVER-ENDING!!! stupid IVY IS A BITCH!! i hate him!! wtf is he my coach!! I WANT HEIN!! I MISS HEIN SOO MUCHH!!!! :( tears fell today at practice but only marissa knows of it. i tried hiding it and forced my tears to not flow but they did anyways. i dont wanna play my match tmrw i wanna be at frisbee! i scored a 1440 on my SAT/ACT combo test..horrible. my life is detierrating chunk by chunk each day. its funny when you find yourseld looking from the outside, when all i want to be is in there. i dont know...i got my standford sweatshirt stained in whip cream...so sad. sad beyond belief. standford is my dream school. i want it and i want it bad. i need a 2165 on SATs to get in. a stain on my sweatshirt is like a stain upon my life, i feel like i cant get in, its impossible. but i want it..i want it bad...im working my hardest but i feel like im gonna be dissapointed later on...im not jinxing myself. i knocked on wood. as for now and as ive always been doing, put on a smile for others to see and be happy. but inside...its killing me. i dont want my retrdedness to effect others of their joy. i hate living a double life. ehhh.. :/

today was alright. school was pretty chill didnt do much in each class i kinda like it. umm lunch was alright it was sallys bday today we whipp creamed her. ummm..no practice today YES! ummm...argued with cousin. umm...doing hw hella hw. umm..ehh yeah nothing else. i just wish...but...wishes dont come true. what am i left with? nothing.

Eyyy. hmmm...today was alright i guess. went to temple/viet school. it was HELLA hot holy shit i was sweating from doing nothing. hmmm...went home and quarelled with my cuz such a beezy god. hmmmm...then put some finsihing touches to my hw. today was alright...i didnt do much. next week though imma ditch temple for tennis. fosho. i hope i scored pretty well on my mock SATS...results tmrw...but i have a feeling my scores arent gonna come up very well. sigh.....and i hope i did pretty well on my ap euro essay last friday. i got a english essay comming up this week too..sighh...school...pain in the ass. holy shit, now that i think about it...this commin week is gonna be a HELLA busy one. well..acutally thats an understatement...all my weeks are busy. oh well...im tired imma sleep. night.

ehhh...today was alright. nothing special woke up at 8 for tennis till 12. i was REALLY sleepy so i took a little nap, wish i had a longer time but time flies so i dont get as much time to sleep plus uncles and aunties and baby cousin came to visit so yeah..my sleep kinda went bye bye. today..i dont know i dont feel the excitement i used to anymore..well that goes for everyday. i got a wedding i gotta go to today im hella lazy though. and today is HELLLA HOT! holy crap im sweating just sitting and at tennis today i challenged ppl and we were playing with certain requirements so like after every game or so it would be a # of pushups or a # of curlups. i did like 50 pushups and 150 curlups. i wanna sit in front of my porch again. its kinda relaxing but then...i dont wanna look like a retard to my family so i only do it when theyre not home but my cousin pisses me off sooo much i dont wanna see her face so..yeahh..imma go out into the cool breeze with my ipod on ohh..and maybe study for my english vocab quiz monday. theres nothing much to say really...nothing special here.

omg i swear i hve issues. idk how to do this online shit thing and now im following my own blog....wtf? things gotta be all confusing man, i should go to bed...gotta wake up at 8 tmrw for tennis. night

hey guys...sorry for not updating this as often as ive said i would. lifes been a bit busy. i just wrote this post like 5 minutes ago then the stupid interenet crashed now i have to do it all over again...but i dont wanna do it again. ill just keep this one short and sweet. umm today was broing from school to afterschool. pretty lame day. frisbee was really gay. ehhh...i kinda vented out all my issues in my deleated post at first so i kinda dont wanna reiterate myself. i feel retarded for doing this. no one reads, no one listens, no one understands, and no one cares. i see no point in writing a blog now. but ehh idk. itll be like my personal diary maybe itll be worth something when i die. woahh...the apples on my table are soooo shiny...dangg..oh sorry anyways....so yeah. noting much just living my double life as usual...its very tiring to have a double life. i hate it. whats making me be like this?? im not as happy or as juiced or as..idk..i have no idea whatsoever. a thingy on facebook asks me how lucky i was today, so i clicked the button and it came out to be 95% unlucky...thats...sadly...true....not jsut today but everyday. ehhh..what can i do....lifes life, i get what i deserve. sorry my lifes depressing huh? i know.

im sooo sleepy no lie man. waking up at 7 today, hit for about 5 minutes then ran my ass off to the school library pitt for mock SAT/ACT from 9-1. that test was hard guys...and it drained my brain...so early in the morning gosh...im surprised though i can acctaully fit 5 paragraphs into 25 minutes...cept not in a very solid fashion. i needa work on that. the prompt was alright. i like it..it goes something like..."its better for humans to achieve further in life if they spend less time proving them better than nature and more on appreciating natures' beauty"...true or not true? i put true for many reasons. learning from society, from natures' true teachings will propell...omg...why didnt i use the word propell in my essay?!?! god dammit..anways propell you to better things in life as well as a great understanding of our world. im not about to explain my whole essay to you guys ahaha but yeah thats the main idea ahaha. after testing i went home and ate then went to practice on my serves and theyre working!! im soo happy!! ahha. but i still sometimes double fault like crazy ahaha but its ok at least i got the basics down that i didnt have down before. hmmm...what else ohh then somewhat chilled with my neighbor ahahah. he was riding his bike back and forth and i shared food with him ahaha then some random ass black kids were like "heyy baby, hey chinese boy you HELLUUHH cute!" im like wtf?!? aaha hella funny!! hes viet btw.. ahaha then the funniest would be when he was looking over at my house, he got on his bike and was looking then he went OOOFF haha and his head dissapeared behind the cars ahhaha he fell! it was SOO FUNNY!! ahhaha and now his leg hurts like crap ahaahah. i love frank...hes the best ahha he makes me laugh all the time ahha :] oh and right now im trying to squeeze in 5 pages of notes ahaha. gotta get to work guys. lates.

OH MY GODD!!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS!!! OMGG SOO SORRY GUYS!!! i just have too much hw and tennis and what not i totally forgot about this! sorry!! anyways..ahha here i am..thats all that matters right? ahahha fosho breh! i dont even remeber how long ive necglected this....anywhooo ahaha. schools fucking gay i hate! too much hw and hella hard classes man!! i think imma fail forreal though! got D on my math test, got a D on ap euro but then recently got an A from another test, chem test on monday and a C on my essay...all these bad grades are a fucking first! i dont EVER have NEVER gotten these grades before!! soo mad!!! apart from school stress...i have tennis bullshit i gotta deal with. i swear to god i hate this year the most!!! tennis is bullshit!!! if it wasnt for tennis i wouldnt be crying every fucking day for the past mother fucking 2 weeks! i dont tell anyone this...just you blog. dont you feel special? anyways...tennis is soo...i dont know it makes me cry whenever i think/talk about it. i havent cried in like 2 years...this is a load for me making tears every damn day, its unhealthy i hate crying but i fucking cant help it! i hate the team! i hate the coach!! GOD DAMNNIT! life right now for me...is retarded. i feel like im a failure right now. bad grades, cant play tennis correctly, if i dont bring home a 4.0 or higher im fucking screwed by my parents...why so much fucking stress! this year is soo damn hard!! i honestly have no hope for doing well anymore. im soo scared i dont want anything below a 4.0! i didnt wanna go home today after my match...didnt wann step foot in the house so i stayed outside on the porch just starring at the sky and trees. i searched for stars and clouds but there werent any. put on my ipod and just started thinking...eventually the thinking caused my eyes to produce liquid salt...for an hour i was out there...then i got scared cuz it started getting dark so knocked on the door and my cousin opened the door and so i said bye bye to my pretty blue sky and to the pretty orange leaves on the trees.i have so much hw i should be doing it but im typing this so nahh..i got tennis tmrw at 8 then mock SAT at 9 - 1 then go home and hw time. then...sunday...school? or no school? i should stay home huh? pretty breat from nonstop shit from monday - saturday i will die if i have school on snday too...thats the full week....nahh..im....no way... soo many ppl that i know of....none that i have really opened up to..only you blog. you listen to me vent and say anything the hell i want. thanks. ( do i sound like a retard?) oh well...but yeah...i should start hw huh? kinda late i reallt wanna sleep gotta wake up early tmrw. but...no. i went from winning 6-0 and 6-2 2 days ago to 2-8 today...i feel like a failure. my cousin said standford is a really hard school to get into you know. and i got mad at her i told her you dont ever tell me wheather or not i get in. she asked me dannggg..relax why you frekaing you freaking out so much? im like i jsut dont like it, it goes for everyone. then she said honestly tell me...why? you scared of being a failure? i hesitated...then ended up saying i dont know. its true but i...i refuse for that to happen this is such bullshit. oh wow...who knew typing this would make me cry. imma stop i hate crying. not only do i feel like i fail at tennis i fail at school and at life. idont know..i dont know..i dont know.

tell me why each the size for each font is different? the last one was big then the one before was hella small?? this is confusing...jeezness...

OMG!! i totally forgot to tell you guys! i had a dream 2 days ago that made me cry in my sleep! i literally woke up with tears streaming down my cheecks. it was soo sad!! i was sad so yeahh i criedd haha...but long story short...it was sad and i cried haha linde, bryan and a reallly reallly reallllllly cutee dude that ive never met in real life before was in my dream too ahhaa. i wonder if he exists....haha anyways then last night i had a dream that me and alvin were fighting this fatass white guy with hella long hair! it was hella wierd! we were running away from a dude that was shooting us and stuff ahaha. i swear my dreams are sooo wierd! hahaa but hella funny haha. hmm...temple/viet school was alright today now i gotta start hw ahha. omg! my face is soo soft!! :] hehe. oh shit...gotta study for ap euro test..better do well or imma be hella depressed. wish me luck guys!.....i have a feeling i already said this...hmmm....

It rained today!!! BS! rain brings my mood down man. i want the sun i wanna play frisbee again! haha. im glad i have my freinds theyre the best! ok so today is a saturday and im stuck home doing hw how messed up is that man? LOL anyways i have to do hella stuff so i think imma get started now and stay up hella late to finish cuz today is the only day that i get a chance to actually do hw haha. cuz yesterday was spent chilling with my buds ahha yeahhhh. then tmrw i have temple/veit school to go to.. i will actually commit myself to going this week after ditching for like a month ahaha. but yeah i dont get hiome till hmm...5 so yeah no time for hw then. GRRR...hate life. theres this dude a freind of mine. he keeps on sending mixed signals! its confusing the shit outta me! i dont like mixed signals man. im straight forward. like BAM straight...did that make sense? anywhoo im not bothered much about him its just a thought most of me is focussed on AP Euro i gotta ace that bitcing test next week. wish me luck guys! :]

I GOT ATTACKED TODAY!!! by so many people its scary. and theyre all guys! how unfair!! hmmm....ok so today was an awsome day!! i had soo much fun! from every class and from frisbee today haha. i did a skit in english today on the fighting scene in the book To Kill a Mockingbird it was soo funny ahha and fun. school was alright today pretty chill day ahaha. omg frisbee!! was hella fun! but so damn brutal!! but so damn funn!! hmmm...lets see. we played 3 games today then we fooled around for an hour or so ahaha. we played ninja! it was hella fun! then hmmm...haha jon...OMG! alvin poked my eye! that butt...it hurts. then hmm..steven! slapped me! but i slapped him back a bit harder ahha. then alvina, raymond, steven and jon and sandy and france and and everyone else pushed me down and abused me and stuffed grass down my shirt!!! mostly jon! holy crap that boy is so damn heavy! my back is deformed cuz of him ahha nahh im playing haha. anyways. hmmmm what else. so i was running after jon and i wasnt that far behind and before i could even reach him he trips and falls! haha that fool falling so aburptly made me trip on his leg and i fell too on my hip bone! now i have a huge bruise! haha despite my pain i had a lot of fun ALOT OF FUN! i love my freinds haha :]

HEY! today was a pretty chill day. and i didnt fall asleep!!! im so proud of myself. lets hope things go well for tmrw too cuz its a friday!! which means no school for 2 days and frisbee too! i officially became our frisbee club's (ADD - Alameda Disc Domination) historian today im sooo juiced for this!! i cant wait! ahaha. not a lot of hw today thank god all i got is ap euro and that takes FOREVER to finsih. but yeah..better than the other days i had hella. i like chill days like this :] hmmm...what else...had lunch with a jerk named bryan! hes soo..grrrr... i dont even know why i even bother with that fool. jeezness. tmrw having lunch with ali he seems alright i think...wonder how its gonna go ahaha. well tmrw is tmrw..imma go with the flow either way ahaha. fosho! stupid steven dint finish my goldfish gosh. yeah im a fatass like that eating goldfish everyday in 2nd period english ahha its good thoough! ahha. oh shit its 5 i gotta start working laters ahaha.

EYYY!!! today was aiittteee...haha omg! during 5th period...ap euro..I almost fell asleep! like forreal! no lie my eyes were trying soooo hard to keep open but it jsut wouldnt happen! and you know when you get sleepy and try to keep your eyes open but cant you get dizzy?? THAT HAPPENED! i was writing and almost dropped my pencil and my body almost tipped over to one side..i swear..that class needs to be more interesting...i cant stay awake!! thats sooo bad!!!....you know....when i write my blogs i usually make sure i have apostrophes when i use dont cant and what not and i make sure i capitolize my I's and every letter after a period. well forget that now man! im hella lazy! haha yeah i know...bad tsk tsk tsk... but hey thats me and its me im gonna be capeesh?? yea breh! lol excuse my sudden ghetto moment... :] haha hmmm....do i feel like a good girl and do extra hw today or no...? hmmm.......hahaha

OMG YAY!! THE FONT CHANGED!! haha I'm happy now haha. Alright so back to school...worst shit of my life besides seeing my freinds haha. OMG i almost fell asleep in Ap euro today Ms. Turpins telling me to think and observe this art piece shit thingy and my eyes are just dialating and my heads throbbing like crazy and I was about to fall asleep. 2nd week of school and I'm already falling asleep omg! someone slap me awake!! hmm..nothing special today just really fun with me freinds haha. and ADD!!! YAY! me take pictures! with me freind. haha im sooo juiced for that. ok....I reallly have to start working...haha laters....stupid cramps...damn period...oww. :[

MAN, forget it Imma use the largest font there is if it doesnt change imma be mad. Anyways, so today woke up about the same time as yesterday haha. I seriously NEED to start working now. Member the idea of finishing up AP Euro and all that hw stuff?? Well....hahaha that didn't reallly happen...haha I ended up going to my grandma's house for a family bbq party for labors day haha yup yup! I pigged out hella bad! I feel so fat now haha but its ok I can always diet today and tmrw and yeahhh hahaha. So, definately today I gotta focuss on finishing up my hw. I have a ton! God i freaking hate school! grrrr.......

omg the font looks the same....

MORNING! I think the font size of my past posts are too small to read so I'm going to use a this size....hopefully it will be a bit easier to read haha. So today I'm supposed to be at my viet school/temple because today is a sunday..I go every sunday. Today is like our holiday thingy and I'm supposed to go...but...I'm realllly lazy and I don't wanna go so I decided to stay home haha. I know it's all bad but..omgg..the first week of school killed me! PLUS! I'm on my period, its rude to face Buddah with such a dirty self. I need my chill time, besides I still have AP Euro hw I haven't finished yet so yeah hahaha. Real school first right? I'm gonna try and finish 30 pages of reading and outlining by today and if not I still have tomorrow to finish up. Only the first week of school and I'm already dying. I have no idea how I'm gonna survive this year. sigh....anywhoo...I FOUND A BUNCH OF NEW SONGS TO DL!!! haha :] I'm hungry Imma go eat. :] laters haha.

I woke up this morning approximately around 11 ish? I'm still pretty tired and I wanna just jump back to bed and sleep but I have hw haha lame right? I've finally decided, I'm gonna let things go the way they wanna go, forget about it and just move on. I think that would give me a better chance to lay low on the stress and able myself to focuss on school and most important of all...FUNN!!! hahaha. My freinds are the BEST friends I could ever imagine to have....cept..theyre mostly guys...which...I'm not allowed to have. Haha ironic huh? I don't have as much girlfreinds as I do with guys. Guys are better anyways...well I think so. Not that I'm obsessed with guys or the boyfriends crap thingy. Sheeshness. But just freinds in general. Girls just have too much drama, while guys are more chill in a sense and that is definately me. I'm a chillaxed person haha. Even though i have so many freinds, not one is my bestest best freind. sad right? i know...tsk tsk tsk. I guess no one best fits for that position here at Alameda High School haha but!! BUT!! I do want a gay guy best freind if I get the chance. :] haha that would be REALLLY cool. Despite the letting go of things I said earlier...I still can't decide if i should quit tennis or not. Half of me wants to stay because its the only sport I'm doing this year..the other half is sick and tired of the bullshit that goes on around in there. OMG somebody, just somebody...what the hell am I to do?? Omg cramps...owww...gonna go eat a banana. They help a lot! forreal. GIRLS! got cramps?? EAT A BANANA! I'm not even lying to you. :]

Wow. So this is what a blog is. I've always wanted one but I never really knew how to get one, also because of the lack of time that I have being a very busy student and all. So yeah, first day! yay! I would be as enthusiastic as I sound but right now I'm really tired and really dead. I've had a long and tiring day. School was boring and stuff but afterwards I went to play frisbee with a group of the bestest freinds ever haha. I love them. It was very fun and we're starting a club at school too! It's called ADD! hahaha! Alameda Disc Domination! haha GREAT right?? In the beginning I thought of Disc Dominators aka Double Ds hahaha! Then my freind went and said ADD so yup! we're sticking to that now haha. It's wonderful I'm so excited for it!. Other than that afterschool today, everything was the usual way, boring, gay, crappy and tiring. YUP thats the basic summary of my life so far here on my blog haha. ill be expressing my feelings and thoughts on here daily..hopefully if I don't get too busy and caught up with things. The reason why this blog is named Why Me? is that some of the stupidet bullshit happen to me and I always wonder why. Karrma? I haven't done anything though. It's wierd. I don't know. I often sit back and reflect on life and think about it, which results in me being all sad and what not. Which isn't healthy at all. But its kinda hard not to...too much crap happen to me. For those reading, youre probably thinking that i need a shrink huh? I dont even know. I'm sure im fine. It's just the things in life that piss me off. I still try to enjoy it as much as possible though. That's good right? Let's just hope I dont begin to lose that hope.....which I am on the verge of doing right now. ......Sigh......