Woah.

wow, its been a while. i blog more on my tumblr than this one, cuz that ones private. no one knows of it. but it deosnt hurt to blog twice. right? last time i tried getting on this site, it didnt work so i thought they deleted the site or something. no one blogs on this anymore i think... i dont know what to say. i wanna leave all my feelings for my tumblr. i miss blogging on here. its a different feel compared to blogging on my tumblr.
summers not as i anticipated it to be. i just hope i just wish, sometime within these 2 months things will get better. ok time to spill my heart and soul out on my tumblr.

Changes

It's been a while huh? i guess i kinda miss blogging. life's been busy. tracks been ehhh. i miss running but quads are hurting. i dont even wanna start. it seems like everyone has left and im still here. everyone is taking on a path of their peference. i guess its ok. who am i to expect ppl to stay? this blog has no point at all im just venting what im feeling right now. Pinning Down Time. pinning down time? i cant do that. wish time could revert itself for me? im not that special. wish there was no time? then what existance am i on this eath? to exist is to desire, to desire is to suffer. i guess thats true. i still desire to hear the sound of the waves. it soothes me. uts 7, or close to it, i should do hw.

Wtf is Wrong With People These Days

I don't get it anymore. Everyones totally differnt. I don't understand anyone anymore. Everyone's drifting away from me. People aren't telling me things anymore. Everyone I know is mysterious to me now. Why do things chnage so fast? I can't handle it. Finals is a stress, freinds are...iono drifting? schools a bitch. and track. oh track. sighhh.... i cant decide myself, i wish for a sign to direct me towards the right decision. i know most say i should join, its just...Mmmm, if things were different huh? yeah... ill flip a coin i do something. cuz i cant decide on my own. uhmm frisbee was fun haha i love my new necklace! isss sooo prettyyyy! :]

My Place of Peace and Mind

Odd how I'm blogging on a school night huh? I don't usually blog until weekends right? yeah, well I'm in the mood and I need to let my feelings all out. Life, I've got to say is the toughest thing any human being must go through. Life, for some maybe unfair, maybe unkind, and may not make sense. For some, life can be absolutely uplifting, completely perfect, and infallible. For me, life's a combination of things. On certain days I'll feel very happy and on some days I'll feel totally, completely devastated. I honestly I wanna cry soo bad. gee, i hope no ones reading this. No matter how hard I try things dont seem to be looking up. school is supposed to be hard and boring with class and hw, but it should be fun with freinds and sports. Friends, I've got plenty, but REAL down to earth friends, I think i have none or at least it seems so. Sports, i loved tennis, loved. Track i loved. I wish i could love again. People on the track team make it impossible for me to do track again, and same with tennis. People, team, team? a team is like this? when everyone looks down upon you for your lack of ability? People. why do we have such ppl in this world? i dont hate on someone cuz they suck. i motivate them to do better, cept for roberto hes just an ass. the things i love are taken away from me, that now i can only say i loved them. why? cant a girl just have one thing that makes her happy in life? one thing that lasts a lifetime? i miss track and i miss tennis a lot, but the people...they're impossible to bare with. school. grades. im not smart enough. not athletic enough. what else am i suposed to do with myself? i dont want to complain. but a girls gotta let her emotions out some time. i dont know if this is even considered as complaining. i dont know. if i could i would change schools. id go somewhere where no one knows me and start over. maybe by then, id find my loves again? i really think i should do hw. if i could i would go out for a nice long walk right now or sit at the beach. i need a place where i can clear my mind, where i dont have to worry about anything, somewhere quiet. somewhere me. and that place aint here. so final and abosulte decision: no track. tear.

Mmmm, Normal Teenage Life I'm Guessing

Aite, so, Mmmm, nothing much really. I was a therapist for like fucking 4 ppl. I'm glad to help but it's very tiring having drama arise all the time. But i guess thats how life goes, especially when youre in highschool. I'm guessing theres always gonna be drama, or an obstacle of some sort throughout the course of life that forces us to face it and attack it. so, i guess by helping ppl is attackng it? making the drama or problem go away? man idk. I'm trying tho. it kills me to see my freinds sad and unhappy. yup yup. lets see what else.....bryan, ryan and linde taught me how to play mah jong i honestly still dont really get it but i bet after a few times of playing ill beat theyre asses for shure! haha. i miss frisbee, i havent gone in a while but next week forshure! i feel really bad too for not going. i have freinds, i get info from around them and wat ive heard so far has made me feel soo guilty. especially not going to frisbee yesteday, i feel horrible for leaving things hanging. uhmm not really in a sad mood today so i dont wanna write about sad stuff. im in a nutral mood right now. i feel the need for some tv.

New Year 2010

How was my new year? I spent it alone, so you can just imagine how great that was. parents fought for a quick second on new years, the house was dead quiet and dark by 11, wasn't allowed to stay up and text depite the fact that it is new years, therefore, I spent new years alone. New years and Chirstmas mean a lot to me, more than anyone could imagine. It's a time where my family gets together and celebrates. Our family bonding time, our laughter, our conversations going epik high (LOL). This year err last year's christmas, that was all lost, well for me at least. Mmmm, I know my family had a great time, everyone laughed their heart out. But me personally, I didn't feel it. I forced a smile the whole way through. As for new years, I tried to have the slightest excitement the happiness, but tears came out instead. Why? cuz these 2 days mean a lot to me, now having to spend it alone was a total disrupt on my part. Maybe some will understand what I went through, maybe some won't. I really hope you do tho. No one seems to anymore. There's that teeny hope I have left that someone will, someone has to to keep the world go round. Mmmm, 2010 huh? Is it looking up? hmmm not the first day, but I'm hoping the following days afterward will be better. I spent the first week of break laying around doing nothing, watching movies all day. The second week of break was spent productively. The first two days was straight up hw around the clock, literally. I did nothing but hw from the moment i woke up to the time I went to bed. Then the days remaining was spent reading books : The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen, Deat John by Nicholas Sparks. Each book took me two days to finish. Im going to read Message in a Bottle and The Gardian which are both by Nicholas Sparks. He's a great author. I really don't wanna go back to school tmrw. Maybe I do, maybe I do miss my freinds. Maybe I don't, but I know forshure I don't miss the hw and teaching and what not. Either way, I just don't want to go back to school. Mmmm, what else was I going to say? I don't know. I'm guessing when there's nothing left to say, or I don't know what else to say, then it is best to leave it as is and walk away. Am I right?