My Place of Peace and Mind

Odd how I'm blogging on a school night huh? I don't usually blog until weekends right? yeah, well I'm in the mood and I need to let my feelings all out. Life, I've got to say is the toughest thing any human being must go through. Life, for some maybe unfair, maybe unkind, and may not make sense. For some, life can be absolutely uplifting, completely perfect, and infallible. For me, life's a combination of things. On certain days I'll feel very happy and on some days I'll feel totally, completely devastated. I honestly I wanna cry soo bad. gee, i hope no ones reading this. No matter how hard I try things dont seem to be looking up. school is supposed to be hard and boring with class and hw, but it should be fun with freinds and sports. Friends, I've got plenty, but REAL down to earth friends, I think i have none or at least it seems so. Sports, i loved tennis, loved. Track i loved. I wish i could love again. People on the track team make it impossible for me to do track again, and same with tennis. People, team, team? a team is like this? when everyone looks down upon you for your lack of ability? People. why do we have such ppl in this world? i dont hate on someone cuz they suck. i motivate them to do better, cept for roberto hes just an ass. the things i love are taken away from me, that now i can only say i loved them. why? cant a girl just have one thing that makes her happy in life? one thing that lasts a lifetime? i miss track and i miss tennis a lot, but the people...they're impossible to bare with. school. grades. im not smart enough. not athletic enough. what else am i suposed to do with myself? i dont want to complain. but a girls gotta let her emotions out some time. i dont know if this is even considered as complaining. i dont know. if i could i would change schools. id go somewhere where no one knows me and start over. maybe by then, id find my loves again? i really think i should do hw. if i could i would go out for a nice long walk right now or sit at the beach. i need a place where i can clear my mind, where i dont have to worry about anything, somewhere quiet. somewhere me. and that place aint here. so final and abosulte decision: no track. tear.