holy crap i havent blogged in forever! i have hella shit to do so yeah...lifes alright i guess. a little bit of a bitch not much i guess. ummm.. hmm..im gonna tryout for the bball team, haha random huh? ahha i dont even know what the hell im doing. i suck at the sport and do shit in bball cant dribble and shoot and do smack and yet im trying out...what the hell is wrong with me? haha i dont know. duans making me go though. grrrr...ummm 3 day weekend this weekend! yay. tmrw gonna go workout at the HBC then homecomming game. then halloween on sat! haha yeaaaa. ummm hella hw! shit...i dont wanna do anything. ap euro is such a dread even though its hella fun. hmm what else im helllllla sleepy. i should sleep and do hw early tmrw mourning ahaah so i can chill the rest of the days. :]

today was alright. i was pretty juiced when i woke up cuz it was a firday! finallyy!!! then i was pretty awake and juiced and what not when i went to school then until..uhhh...chem it was cool and fun in the beginning then it got borring when he lectured and went through notes i kinda fell asleep. haha so bad then math. fucking bitch of a teacher. i hate her. then came ap euro..omg i got an 8/11 on my religious wars quiz today thats SOOO bad!! i made the stupidest mistakes EVER!! in the question it said what political reasons where the hapsburg-valois dispute about? i went and put religous i feel hella stupid. then spanish came that was fun we made decorations for day of the dead and just basically messed around. haha it was fun then tennis was alright didnt really play that much..actually kinda lazy so yeah. then hmm...i went home. just finished dinner and now im blogging. ahha omg! i have sooo much shit to do over the weekend! i got PSAT tmrw and then i got hw and then i have helllla hw to do. like hellllla then i gotta fit in time to get my racket restrung and then on sunday i gotta wake up at like 7 to be at temple promtly at 8:30 - 5. its sooo crazyy! like really though! i dont even know if i have time to finish all of my hw. ishould really start now huh? lol yeah i think i should start now too. haha alright night ma peeps. :]

Woke up today at 8:45 to go to tennis practice. kirk talked to me about things so did ivy. everything is to be blamed on me, therefore, having to me the bigger person, i had to apologize. ivy didnt even apologizeand kirk didnt either. that just shows how corrupt our society is. those whom make mistakes dont tend to be apolgetic yet, those whom are the victim, have to do the deed of saying sorry. i know life is unfair, but only to a certain extent, here EVERYTHING is unfair. im not about to complain any further its not gonna do anything for me. ive mastered at enduring things. if i can do it then, i can do it now. i made a quote! "Being a subject to life, one must learn to conquer and master its' games, only then will one be called a true virtuoso." - Laura Nguyen haha.

hmmm...another week gone. this week dragged on for hella long. seconds to minutes to hours to days...sooo longgg..but its over now. everything...i guess you can say...is over. so a short overview of what happened. coach wont let me leave early. said i had a suger daddy. uhh got pissed cried for hella long then complained to the principal and thomas they didnt do shit cept copied down my facebook profile and told me to basiclaly stay and suck it up or quit today during 4th period. i love tennis too much to quit so i made a commmitment to him and said id stay and try to stay happy. il do what ive always been doing, stay, suck it up, and not say a word about it. this hurts and it hurts alot everytime i talk about it i begin to tear which is what is happening right now i get that churning knot that hurts like a bitch in my tummy but, you do what you gotta do for the best right? i guess both sides would be happy if i would stop causing so much trouble. ill take the blame for him. ill take the blame for everyone. just to put an end to it. live a life of peace. ill endure it. i can do it. im a strong girl. tears wont hurt me..only for a little but i can endure it. i guess, lifes life. i get what i deserve so..i just gotta deal with it no matter how hard it is i can get through. i just wanna know why? i havent hurt anyone, ive always done my best to help others, always be there for my freinds, working hard in school, loving my parents, endure my cousin's bichyness with kindness, so why? im nice, how come i dont deserve the better things in life? i dont know the answer to that either. all i know is life isnt life without its difficult obsticles. i gotta surpass them no matter what, so here i am....tugging, shoving, and pushing meyself through this. things might not always pay off, might not go the way i want them to go, but im gonna do my best and hope for the best, other than that, i can do nothing else. if things go right then yay...if not..i guess it is what it is. i didnt think thered be anymore tears after let fallen so much...but theres always more that come pouring down my cheeks. wipe them away, and never let one fall again.

TODAY WAS GAYYYY!!! I DIDNT GET TO GO TO FREAKING FRISBEE!!! stupid ass tennis match today. god! i swear i would have skipped it if it wasnt for what my stupid coach said to me yesterday. god i miss frisbee!! Mr. Joo came today too!! and i didnt get to go! sheeshh! :( im sad. other than that today was...pretty alright...i guess. i didnt have to do PE cuz purse pulled me out to go and grade papers for Rodd. so haha YEAH! that was cool. then didnt do much in any other classes just chilled i guess....idk I have a TON of hw though...and i dont get to sleep in this weekend!!! gotta wake up at 8 on sat. for tennis then at 8 on sun. for tennis...grrrr....i get no beuty sleep. :( i played doubles and won 6-0 today at lafyette then lost 6-1 to their #1 doubles..holy shit! the older of the 2 girls is a fucking beast!!! haha but its ok ill get better. :) my goal. and i want abs ahhah working on it! ahha i can see the two lines on the sides but i ask ppl and theyre like i dont see anything. but its hard..im getting there! ahhaha. alright imma go and chill haha laters guys. i guess today was a better day from the rest of the days of the week ahaha. :]

TENNIS IS BULLSHITT BULLSHITT BULLLSHIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE Y FUCKING COACHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss practice for ONE day, ONE FUCKING DAY!! and i come back today and he goes where were you yesterday? and im like i had a lot of hw i couldnt come and he ROLLS HIS EYES AT ME AND WENT PPPSSHHH!! THAT FOOL HAS THE NERVEE!!!! OHHH!!! and he goes you miss one more practice and youre off the team. im mean really?? SCHOOOL FIRST MAN!!! WTF??!? theres soo much shit that hes done to me as well as to the team i couldnt possibly explain it all on here itd take me 3 days...no, more..you see where im getting at? ITS NEVER-ENDING!!! stupid IVY IS A BITCH!! i hate him!! wtf is he my coach!! I WANT HEIN!! I MISS HEIN SOO MUCHH!!!! :( tears fell today at practice but only marissa knows of it. i tried hiding it and forced my tears to not flow but they did anyways. i dont wanna play my match tmrw i wanna be at frisbee! i scored a 1440 on my SAT/ACT combo test..horrible. my life is detierrating chunk by chunk each day. its funny when you find yourseld looking from the outside, when all i want to be is in there. i dont know...i got my standford sweatshirt stained in whip cream...so sad. sad beyond belief. standford is my dream school. i want it and i want it bad. i need a 2165 on SATs to get in. a stain on my sweatshirt is like a stain upon my life, i feel like i cant get in, its impossible. but i want it..i want it bad...im working my hardest but i feel like im gonna be dissapointed later on...im not jinxing myself. i knocked on wood. as for now and as ive always been doing, put on a smile for others to see and be happy. but inside...its killing me. i dont want my retrdedness to effect others of their joy. i hate living a double life. ehhh.. :/