Am I Supposed To Feel Something?

Christmas to me didn't feel like Christmas to me at all. It felt like a normal Sunday. Presents don't mean anything to me now. Am I growing too old? New Years is suposed to be a good thing and everyone is excited, whereas I don't feel anything. Things feel normal, I'm convincing myself to successfully fake a smile tonight and tmrw too. What is wrong? What the hell am I lacking? Why am I like this? I don't know. What the hell? This is all so stupid! I wish to be a kid again. Things used to be so simple, so fun, so innocent. Now? Things are complicated, depressing, with a lack of compasion. I remember the smiles the laughs I used to express. The numerous times I've played full-heartedly but now, idly. Do you think it's age? Or am I just fucked up? Drama? School? Feelings? Man, life...so many obstacles. I had hopes for the new year, hoping things would be better than the last, but what is hope but a sentiment brought up to just be torn down? Constantly, repeatedly, consistantly I've had hopes torn and ripped down. Things don't seem to be looking up, so I highly doubt the new year will be any different. Yet, i still hold hope within me. How stupid of me to keep holding on to hope knowing I'd get hurt again anyways. Why? Because, It's the last thing, the only thing I can result to when everything else is lost. I guess, it's life right? I have to deal with it. It feels like another day. The magical feelings i used to feel when holidays come, I miss that. I honestly miss that. Who knew a girl would cry on new years eve huh? I don't ever want to lose that feeling...I guess it's too late now...i don't feel good. sad. This is not a good mood to be in during the holidays. Some might think I'm weird and some might agree. I wanna know what's going on, what's happening to me. Maybe?...maybe not? What's gonna happen? I still hope...

Don't Want It To End

Uhmm today? Went to a party hosted by juniors. Marissa and I were the only sophmores. It was kinda awkward at the beginning but then after like 10 minutes, everything was pretty cool i guess. The party was kinda fun I guess? Idk haha. Uhmmm nothing else really. Chilled at Marissa's house and she made me dinner and uhhh nothing really. Got my lakers T-shirt from Bryan and got Max's snoopy from the secret santra trade thingy and also my shirt from Marissa. break seems to be flying by so fast, it's only the first day too. Christmas this year is kinda wierd. I don't know. It's just not the same as it has been the last few years. I guess cuz It's the new hosue and all in a whole new place that im unfamiliar with. But w/e, just gotta adapt to it I guess. i want break to just be a time period of enjoyment and relaxation, however, teachers still assign hw for kids to do over break. THAT AINT NO LONGER BREAK BREH! sheeshmess. uhmmm i send about 500 texts a day. lol so random haha. I think i should sleep but i really dont want to. I'm hellla hella hella sleepy but I really relaly dont wanna sleep haha. oh and im sick too. bad huh? damn! sick during break! thats worst than anything! and christmas is arond the corner too!! i love getting presents. For those that wish to have presents but do not recieve one, i will do to the best of my abilities to get them a little gift of somesort. :] like someone that i know of haha. uhmm what else is there to blog about? uhmmm...

What I Gotta Deal With Every Damn Day

Hey guys. I haven't blogged in a while. There's really nothing much in life thats happening. I think I'm gonna title my blogs from now on ahha Idk why, just wanna. My cousin is a bitch, I hate her. With all my damn guts! I'm trying my best to ignore her buts its kinda hard since we live in the same house. Uhmmm forgive, forget, move on right? I can forget, I can move on, but I will never forgive her. I'll still hate her. Every fucking thing that she does, UGH! They get on my nerves soooo bad! wel enough of her, you guys get the idea. Uhhmmm after today, omgggg sooo muchh sweeettss!! I had a total of 3 parties today! And all of them composed of soda, brownies, and cookies! jeez! I ate soo much sugar its freakin sickening to my damn stomach and to my head, got a headache. Wierd huh? haha Idk. Then there was frisbee. Too tired to play at first, but then ended up playing anyways and I scored more goals then ever before! It was amazing! haha. I dropped my candy cane while playing tho, so sad, but it's all good. haha I still had fun, ish lol. Well It's break!! But I have hella hw, so what's the damn point? lol GAY! anywhoooooo nights!

I'm very very veryyy tired. I reallly wanna sleep but then again I don't want to. Wierd, yes I know. Uhmmm...so wassup with me? Haha lots of stuff. Half the things right now are pretty chill the other half is a fucking bitch. Uhmmm..I don't know what else to say. Not in the mood to elaborate things today haha, too lazy. I have been yawning consecutively for the last 3 minutes, I think I should sleeep. I want break to come!! really realllly reallllly bad. I want christmas! I get presents! yay!!! haha. Today rained, usually when rain comes I'm hella juiced cuz i get to play in the rain, but today was just too damn cold not in the mood. Lol wierd! I'm no in the mood for anything maybe cuz it was last night, and my lack of beauty sleep makes me dead, completely dead. Hmmmm...should i do hw? or should i sleep? I dont know....uhmmm....

I haven't blogged in a while. Hmmm...so, so far? uhmmm nothing much I guess. Pretty chill week for me cuz I did all AP Euro hw in advance so I didn't have much to do haha I like. Today I missed out on frisbee to go cheer up a friend. It was ok i guess, I couldn't really do much, didn't know how. Well at least I was there right? I think that's all that really matters. uhmm..don't really know much more. I hate it when people go omgg I have a secret! but I can't tell you. I mean really now?!?! I can't live with that man! I gots ta know! It's torture to tell me you have a secret and not tell me what that secret is in the end! GRRRRRR....oh and I don't understand math. It's soo stupid I don't get anything!!! uhmm..anything else about my life? uhhh lol no? haha I guess that's it for today then.