Am I Supposed To Feel Something?

Christmas to me didn't feel like Christmas to me at all. It felt like a normal Sunday. Presents don't mean anything to me now. Am I growing too old? New Years is suposed to be a good thing and everyone is excited, whereas I don't feel anything. Things feel normal, I'm convincing myself to successfully fake a smile tonight and tmrw too. What is wrong? What the hell am I lacking? Why am I like this? I don't know. What the hell? This is all so stupid! I wish to be a kid again. Things used to be so simple, so fun, so innocent. Now? Things are complicated, depressing, with a lack of compasion. I remember the smiles the laughs I used to express. The numerous times I've played full-heartedly but now, idly. Do you think it's age? Or am I just fucked up? Drama? School? Feelings? Man, life...so many obstacles. I had hopes for the new year, hoping things would be better than the last, but what is hope but a sentiment brought up to just be torn down? Constantly, repeatedly, consistantly I've had hopes torn and ripped down. Things don't seem to be looking up, so I highly doubt the new year will be any different. Yet, i still hold hope within me. How stupid of me to keep holding on to hope knowing I'd get hurt again anyways. Why? Because, It's the last thing, the only thing I can result to when everything else is lost. I guess, it's life right? I have to deal with it. It feels like another day. The magical feelings i used to feel when holidays come, I miss that. I honestly miss that. Who knew a girl would cry on new years eve huh? I don't ever want to lose that feeling...I guess it's too late now...i don't feel good. sad. This is not a good mood to be in during the holidays. Some might think I'm weird and some might agree. I wanna know what's going on, what's happening to me. Maybe?...maybe not? What's gonna happen? I still hope...