OH MY GODD!!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS!!! OMGG SOO SORRY GUYS!!! i just have too much hw and tennis and what not i totally forgot about this! sorry!! anyways..ahha here i am..thats all that matters right? ahahha fosho breh! i dont even remeber how long ive necglected this....anywhooo ahaha. schools fucking gay i hate! too much hw and hella hard classes man!! i think imma fail forreal though! got D on my math test, got a D on ap euro but then recently got an A from another test, chem test on monday and a C on my essay...all these bad grades are a fucking first! i dont EVER have NEVER gotten these grades before!! soo mad!!! apart from school stress...i have tennis bullshit i gotta deal with. i swear to god i hate this year the most!!! tennis is bullshit!!! if it wasnt for tennis i wouldnt be crying every fucking day for the past mother fucking 2 weeks! i dont tell anyone this...just you blog. dont you feel special? anyways...tennis is soo...i dont know it makes me cry whenever i think/talk about it. i havent cried in like 2 years...this is a load for me making tears every damn day, its unhealthy i hate crying but i fucking cant help it! i hate the team! i hate the coach!! GOD DAMNNIT! life right now for me...is retarded. i feel like im a failure right now. bad grades, cant play tennis correctly, if i dont bring home a 4.0 or higher im fucking screwed by my parents...why so much fucking stress! this year is soo damn hard!! i honestly have no hope for doing well anymore. im soo scared i dont want anything below a 4.0! i didnt wanna go home today after my match...didnt wann step foot in the house so i stayed outside on the porch just starring at the sky and trees. i searched for stars and clouds but there werent any. put on my ipod and just started thinking...eventually the thinking caused my eyes to produce liquid salt...for an hour i was out there...then i got scared cuz it started getting dark so knocked on the door and my cousin opened the door and so i said bye bye to my pretty blue sky and to the pretty orange leaves on the trees.i have so much hw i should be doing it but im typing this so nahh..i got tennis tmrw at 8 then mock SAT at 9 - 1 then go home and hw time. then...sunday...school? or no school? i should stay home huh? pretty breat from nonstop shit from monday - saturday i will die if i have school on snday too...thats the full week....nahh..im....no way... soo many ppl that i know of....none that i have really opened up to..only you blog. you listen to me vent and say anything the hell i want. thanks. ( do i sound like a retard?) oh well...but yeah...i should start hw huh? kinda late i reallt wanna sleep gotta wake up early tmrw. but...no. i went from winning 6-0 and 6-2 2 days ago to 2-8 today...i feel like a failure. my cousin said standford is a really hard school to get into you know. and i got mad at her i told her you dont ever tell me wheather or not i get in. she asked me dannggg..relax why you frekaing you freaking out so much? im like i jsut dont like it, it goes for everyone. then she said honestly tell me...why? you scared of being a failure? i hesitated...then ended up saying i dont know. its true but i...i refuse for that to happen this is such bullshit. oh wow...who knew typing this would make me cry. imma stop i hate crying. not only do i feel like i fail at tennis i fail at school and at life. idont know..i dont know..i dont know.