It's been a while hasn't it? i haven't been blogging very often lately. school interferes with the extra time I used to have. i kinda miss it, i guess i thats why im here right now. I've always wanted a diary to write all my feelings in and the events that happen during the course of my life, but i always get tooo lazy to write it all out. i find typing a lot easier. so, this is like my diary of my life...cept..exposed out to the world that doesnt even know i exist.
What i hate most in life is to lose a friend. I've tried, tried my best to keep that person close to me, but all that effort seems to have been a waste. in any problem, the only solution is cooperating. it's pointless to have only one do everything and not the other. it kills me to see that after every time that i try, the responses i get are only mediocre, sometimes not a response at all. who knew one person could do so much harm, that i find myself crying as my fingers type these letters to form words from within my heart. there are certain things in life that were once the past and will forever be the past. i'm guesing this is one of those exceptions. i dont want to try anymore, every aspect of me is exhausted of the multiple attempts at maintaining a good freindship, when in return i get neglected. that person will never know of my efforts, if it's even considered as efforts to him. that person will never know that the things he's decided to let go, mirrors the let go of my tears. I've gotten used to that. the things that i do and say or think of are usually never recognized, so it's not a big thing whether or not that person knows, for if he does, the reponses i get in return will only be a simple "I don't know." I'd rather not have that person know and learn to get through life without the "what used to be's" than to have that person further damage whats already corrupt. I recently had 2 freinds of mine that were upset with each other because of the same reason as mine, but they ended up making up and being close once again. i envy that, and i admire that, i'm happy for them. one should never be discouraged or angered about things others have that one does not possess, but rather one should feel happy for those that can obtain the best. there is no point in fussing and fighting for what is lacked, for it will do no better than to cause more discomfort. one day the best will come for the deprived too. pacience is the key. so, commitment to self. after today, no more tears relating to this subject. That person may no longer look to me as a close freind, but i always will. I may let go physically but i can never do so emotionally. Once a freind, always a friend. I'll forgive, forget, and I'll move on.
I miss you.